ФОРУМАРХИВРАСПРОСТРАНЕНИЕНОВОСТИRE:ДАКЦИЯRE:КЛАМОДАТЕЛЯМКОНТАКТЫ
 




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Главная » Архив » Номер 29 » 2-я жизнь РТИ № 2
2-я жизнь РТИ № 2
Номер: №29, "Сбыча мечт по плану и с перевыполнением"
(17 ноября 2005 — 27 ноября 2005)

Рубрика: Без чувств
Тема: Своими руками
От: Дарья Стояновская


Неприлично поздно вернувшись домой, ты летишь принять душ. И пока там расслабляешься, «вторая половина» усердно исследует содержимое карманов твоей одежды. Фантики, рекламки, ключи… Бинго! Посреди скучных аксессуаров и мусора всеми цветами радуги сверкает початая пачка презервативов. Издав яростный вопль, «вторая половина» принимает боевую стойку у дверей ванной. В такой ситуации не избежать скандала, а то и мордобоя… если только ты не читатель газеты «Rе:Акция»! Расскажи своей Отелле, какая это многофункциональная вещь - по широте применения уступает только жвачке, пластиковой бутылке и зажигалке, а лично тебе жизненно необходимо…

 
…на рыбалке
На презервативы запросто ловится всякая хищная рыба. Резинку нужно разрезать вдоль на мелкие полосы, насадить на крючок или в качестве дополнения прикрепить к блесне. Или — этот вариант хорошо подходит для мелководных рек с быстрым течением - конец лески оборудуем специальным тройным крючком. Берем кондом, более всего подойдет зеленый, пакуем в него «тройник», наполняем резинку водой для плавучести и закидываем в водоем. Рыба заглатывает латексную ловушку, пленка рвется. Финита ля комедиа.
 
…в хозяйстве
Хорошая прокладка на подтекающий водопроводный кран. Достойная альтернатива обыкновенной резиновой перчатке. Когда готовят домашнее вино, презервативом закупоривают горлышко бутылки — образующийся в результате брожения газ должен выходить (иначе скорость реакции замедлится), но ничего постороннего попадать не должно. Этот уникальный девайс в качестве дополнительной подпитки можно привязать к воздушным корням комнатных растений, например, монстеры. А еще можно нарезать ровными кольцами — и вот у вас в наличии несколько замечательных пассиков для магнитофона — и назад в 90-е.
 
…в экстремальных развлечениях
С презервативом можно придумать массу интересных занятий. Надуть как воздушный шарик и раскрасить или надеть на голову и лопнуть с восхитительным треском. Кстати, отличная замена яйцам и тухлым помидорам: наполняешь жидкостью и швыряешь в толпу. Но это все цветочки. Можно пойти еще дальше: в супермаркете отдираешь ценник от какого-нить дорогого продукта, лепишь его на маленького друга и подкидываешь кому-нибудь в карман. Но это уж какая-то совсем злая шутка.
 
…на природе
Не пропускает не только шустрых сперматозоидов, но и обыкновенную влагу: в походе он становится отличным контейнером для хранения всевозможных сыпучих веществ, лекарств, сигарет и батареек. В нем и жидкости переносить хорошо: прочный, удобный резервуар, в который свободно помещается 5–7 литров воды. А еще презерватив — неплохой жгут, поможет остановить кровь в случае чего.
 
…на войне
В военно-полевых условиях куску латекса тоже можно найти применение. Если «одеть» в презерватив взрывчатку, она не отсыреет и сохранит все необходимые для подрывных работ свойства. Если «зачехлить» презервативом ствол оружия, туда не попадет песок, причем такой чехол не станет помехой при выстреле, если вдруг забыл его снять. А еще презервативом можно задушить противника, как удавкой…
 
…в строительстве
Жители Индии в своей находчивости превзошли всех. Миллионы бесплатных презервативов, выделенных на борьбу со СПИДом, они успешно используют в украшении своей традиционной одежды, сари, и в… строительной отрасли. Прочный, гибкий материал в равной степени хорош как для укрепления дорожного покрытия, так и для гидроизоляции крыш.
 
…в автомобиле
Кондом годится как для заклеивания покрышки на велосипеде, так и для того, чтобы заделать дефектную трубку тормозной системы в автомобиле или на время заменить порванную диафрагму бензонасоса. Для автомобилистов не секрет, что зимой в «резину» можно упаковать гаражный навесной замок — и тогда не приходится остервенело выковыривать из скважины лед.
 
…да мало ли где!
Тут все зависит исключительно от размеров фантазии. Некоторые барышни разрезают презервативы на небольшие резиночки для волос — смотрится очень мило, правда! Или надевают на зонтик как чехол. А полубарышня Верка Сердючка признался в одном из интервью, что надувал из латексных изделий свою огромную грудь. Некоторые в них даже драгоценности через таможню перевозят. В конце концов, почему как презерватив — так сразу секс?! О душе бы подумал кто…

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Статьи автора:
» Вот эту руку – не сюда
» 2-я жизнь РТИ № 2
» Земфира на просвет
» Хочу все сдать!
» Как готовить няню

Статьи рубрики:
» Ешь – не хочу
» За Родину! За Леннона!
» Аннальная слава
» Брат? Два!
» «Спартак»: полевые эксперименты



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